This is a collection of posts where I write about the amusing or strange side of the industry. The funny things I have seen and heard. this page will be updated as I write new posts.
I have not grouped the stories as most would fall into two or more groups. Instead they are in chronological order from oldest to newest.
- Holding Hands
An awkwardly funny incident I saw on a funeral between the priest, conductor and a mourner.
- Broken down in the cemetery
This is about the time we found the hearse had a flat tire, in the middle of a cemetery after a funeral. Then to make things worse the tools did not fit the nuts on the wheel.
- Accident on the Sydney Harbour Bridge
It was a chaotic scene at the office as they found out a hearse had been in an accident while going to a funeral, at rush hour, on the Harbour Bridge. The hearse was stuck there, on the road as rush hour approached and with a coffin in the back.
- The best funeral ever; with a dwarf
This was undoubtably one of the strangest and most entertaining funerals I ever had the pleasure to attend. The family were nice, the day was pleasant and the other staff were good. But the job was so strange, even the conductor who had worked in the industry for decades was surprised.
- The crowd and dementia lady
An amusing story about how everything was going wrong that day. About how perfect and simple plans can be messed up so much due to one or two bad decisions.
- No coffee today
The followup to the previous story, it is about how I distracted a lady with dementia to prevent her getting a coffee. So we could get her home on time.
- The gloved man and the stolen flowers
No question the "gloved man" is the strangest person I have ever driven in the morning car. He was nice enough, but just so strange and it had been a long and odd day already. Then later at the graveside an Asian man came up with flowers he had inadvertently stolen from another funeral without realising. Overall a very odd funeral, I cried with laughter several times.
- Time to give up driving
Driving mourning cars one would often be told funny or strange things about the deceased. This was one of those stories, one of the most amusing. It is a funny story, and how as we age that we should realise our limitations. How we do not always realise these 'limits' but continue on happily anyway.
- 'The' father
A long story about one of the strangest priests I ever met. At one point his pants fell down in the middle of the service and he needed the conductor to help redess him.
- Falling in the rain
This rather funny story is about an undertaker falling on a fresh grave one rainy day. The undertaker was kind of known for always being steady, never getting his shoes dirty and generally being quite capable. So seeing him fall and send petals flying everywhere was quite amusing.
- Crashing the home
A story I heard about a transfer van accidentally crashing into someone's house. How the van (with bodies inside) rolled down hill and through someones lounge room.
- Whale of a transfer
This is the strangest, and funniest transfer story I have heard. It is about how a transfer crew had to take remains (which turned out not to be human) to the coroners. In doing so his keys fell into the remains and he had no way to clean them.
- The cheese incident
A strange and funny story of an odd event at the company Christmas party. It shows how undertakers are regular people, even if they do make odd mistakes.
- Crashing the car
This is about the time I had an accident on a funeral. How we all make mistakes (myself included) and what it was like to damage the brand new fancy car.
- Smashing a tree
I heard this story, about an undertaker who retired a few years ago. How he fell asleep at the wheel while driving in a cortege and hit a tree quite badly.
- The attack
The funniest thing I ever saw in the funeral industry. I laughed so much and so hard I ended up hurting my lungs slightly. It is about the time an employee was nearly attacked and how another employee was going to run away, leaving him there.
- The mistress
Funerals and families can be very unpredictable. This is about one such unpredictable event at a funeral.
- Emptying the crypt
This was the hardest job I ever did, yet also one of the most satisfying and fun. We had to take several coffins out of a crypt and move them down to the lower level. A rather dangerous and difficult job to say the least.
- Leaky coffin
The time a coffin leaked in a hearse. The hearse then sat in the hot sun all day much to the displeasure of the hearse driver who had to clean it the next day.
- A close call
This is about the time one undertaker nearly pulled another into an open grave while putting the cover on.
- My first transfer
The story of my first transfer, from what I remember of it.
- My first funeral
The story of my very first funeral. A day I will not easily forget.