Video - Cremation of a body

    After my last post someone sent me this fairly interesting youtube video.  The video shows the cremator  'burner' (or retort) in action, then what the ash is like after being burnt and how it is turned into what we know as ash.

<> WARNING!! The video does show human bones being burnt <>

    Although I personally see nothing wrong with the video, they show less than many TV shows or movies. But I understand some would not want to see this.

    Something I will note is that in America they must take the body out of the coffin before burning it.  Here in Australia this would be against the law as a body must be contained in a coffin and the crematorium staff are not allowed to open the coffin.  Of course there are exceptions for certain religions but I am not sure how that would work.  I know crematorium staff do not have the equipment or training in Australia to open a coffin nor do they want to.

    So do not worry, if your loved one was cremated in Australia they were never taken out of the coffin at the crematorium for any reason.

~~

Ashes to Ashes: What ashes are really like and where they come from

A real picture of 'ash' at the end of the proces

    I thought it would be good to examine some of the misconceptions and ideas behind 'ash', how it is made and what it actually is.  When most people think of ash they think of a fine powder with an even consistency.  This is how it is depicted on TV and in the movies, as actual ash just like what is left behind after wood or coal is burnt.  Yet 'ash' is not like this, it is actually quite lumpy and grainy much like sand.

 Now to look at how the ash is made.  Firstly and most obviously the coffin is often put into a 'burner' where it will be burnt.  The average body takes about three hours to completely burn, although some can take much longer if they are 'heavier'.

    At some larger crematoriums they will get more coffins than they can process in a day.  So they place the excess coffins into a holding room, which is a special fridge just like in any mortuary.  The coffins will sit in the fridge for no more than a day as crematoriums are only allowed to hold coffins for a certain time (a day or two if I remember right).

The default plastic urn.

    Once the coffin is completely burnt the remains are removed from the burner, either by being swept out, dropped through a special grate or vacuumed out with a special machine.  These remains are nothing like ash, they are broken and burnt pieces of bone as most bones do not burn down.  Think of those who die in a fire, there are a lot of bones left behind from teeth to bits of the pelvis.  The next part of the process is aimed at turning these remains into ash.

    After being taken out of the burner the remains are placed into an odd machine.  The best way I could describe it is as a stainless steel tumble dryer.  This machines has some rocks in it and metal rods fixed to the sides.  This means that as the remains are turned and tossed about they are ground down into a powder.  It is this powder that families will receive in an urn.

    The remains, now turned to ash are put into square plastic containers at the crematorium.  This is the default urn that all ash is automatically placed in.  The crematoriums can decant the ash into another urn if the family wants.  However sometimes families will decant the ashes themselves, or quite often get the funeral home to do it.  This decanting process is quite easy and simple, it just involves pouring the ashes out of the default plastic urn into another urn of the families choosing.

    However quite often there are more ashes in the plastic urn than can fit into the special urn purchased by the deceased or family.  Surprisingly often a good inch or so of ash will be left over, so what becomes of this left over ash?  It gets tipped ever so quietly into a garden, bin or somewhere else nobody is looking.  Other times as someone is decanting the ash a gust of wind comes by, blowing ash all over the person and the room.  There is a lot of ash scattered over the trim shop and certain employees at WNBull.

    Ash does present a unique hazard, it will burn if it gets in the eyes and I have o doubt it is not good for the lungs.  Both of these are quite possible when decanting ash as it blows about fairly easily.  Luckily most do not handle ash regularly and a few exposures over the years is obviously not too harmful or there would be fewer undertakers.  Just try to be same and careful with ash and everything should be fine.

A pile of default plastic urns.

The decanting funnel.
Also known as the 'fire warden hat'.

    I found this fairly good website on cremations, it has detail but is not too detailed.  So for further reading or advice on cremations I would highly recommend this website.

"What is Cremation?" - A very good webpage specifically about how bodies are cremated.

"Why Cremation?" - Reasons for cremation and cremation statistics in America.

~~

Documentary - Day in the Life of an Undertaker

  This is a short and interesting documentary following the staff of a funeral home for the day.  The funeral home is Taylor & Forgie in South Australia.  It looks at why various people joint the industry and what their job involves.  So for those curious about funeral directors and the job then this is for you!


"For Life- Funeral Documentary PART 1"

"For Life- Funeral Documentary PART 2"

~~

Sexism in the Funeral Industry

    I started the Other Side Of Funerals to pass on what I learnt about working in the funeral industry.  So as to help those starting out in the industry but also also to bring certain topics to light.  One such topic is sexism.  The funeral industry is quite old fashioned in many ways.  As a result sexism is surprisingly rampant; as overt and conscious forms and as subvert and unconscious forms.  Thus i will go over some sexism and sex differences I noticed in the industry in the hope of highlighting this issue.

    Firstly 'sex' is a specific term different from but related to gender.  Sex is the physical characteristics of a person, whether they are physically male or female.  There are exceptions to this, such as those who are born with both sets of gentiles or those who possess DNA for one gender and yet gentiles of the other.  For example a woman was found to have XY chromosomes and not XX even thought she was physically female.  Gender on the other hand is the psychological characteristics and definition, whether that person think of themselves as male, female or another option.  For example someone may be physically male but see themselves as a woman.  But for the purposes of this post I am looking strictly at physical male and female or peoples sex and how this is played out in the funeral industry.

    There is a difference between noticing differences between sexes and sexism itself.  Sometimes we should take note of the differences and to not do so is instil poor form and inappropriate if not discrimination.  The funeral industry, while rarely strenuous, is often very physical.  Undertakers have to slide whole bodies about, moved and manipulate these bodies to dress them, move empty coffins and then carry 'filled' coffins.  An average lighter wood coffin is about 20kg, an average body is 50-70kg.  The combination of these is a fair bit of weight that needs to be carried, sometimes a great distance over bad terrain.  Quite honestly women are not as strong as men, as just about anyone should realise.  It is not just about size, as men are generally larger, but also to do with proportions and distributions.  For example women have more of their weight in their hips while men have more of their weight in their upper body.  There are stories of coffins being dropped by all female undertakers (although this is very rare).  And companies such as White Ladies are always all female (although this is not always the case behind the scenes), they are not allowed to have a guy or two just help to carry the coffin.  This would make it much easier and safer on difficult jobs.  We should acknowledge and take into account physical differences (and other related) between the sexes.  To do so would not be sexist but practical.  To not do so is in itself sexist as they are dividing the staff based on sex and yet not taking into account actual differences between the sexes.

    As for the funeral industry it is full of sexism and specific roles based on sex.  Take InvoCare for example.  InvoCare is a perfect model of modernity and democracy.  Everyone is equal and accountable at InvoCare, even state and national managers.  The system is extremely efficient and operates much like any other modern corporation.  As such anyone is eligible for promotion or a job based on performance.  InvoCare could not care less about religion, race, sex, gender or any classification that is not related to the task.  So they are quite willing and able to promote women as equally as men based on their individual performance.  This is good in that they do not resort to prejudice against women or affirmative action for women.  One might think that affirmative action allows discriminated groups to get a leg up and become equal, yet it does the opposite.  It is the equivalent of saying that group is incapable and needs to be assisted by the other, better, group.  In terms of this argument that women are not capable of getting a promotion themselves and thus need special help from men to do so.  The other issue with affirmative action is that just like prejudice it judges a person based on a general classification.  That the candidate is not an individual with their own pros and cons but as (in this case) a woman or a man and should be evaluated as such.  Thankfully InvoCare does not do this and has no affirmative action policies or practices (as far as I know).  Instead they look to the individual and evaluate them as a person rather than as a general group.  Having said this most people at the top of InvoCare are men, women have resided at the top but only one or two.  This is the same with most of the academic world where women do become a smaller minority the higher one looks.  But this is not necessarily due to a glass ceiling in that field or company.  As with InvoCare it is due to the current social system.  We participate in sex roles which impact our career.  For example women are more likely to take time off if a child is sick to care for the child.  Men are more likely to focus on work than family.  Thus the minority of senior women at InvoCare is not because of InvoCare but because of society.  As such InvoCare is not sexist towards in evaluating and assessing employees, it is too efficient to care for thing such as sex.

    However InvoCare is sexist in its use, role assignment and branding of employees.  They segregate and discriminate against certain genders and advertise these sexes as being better at certain tasks because of their sex.  Despite the fact that these tasks or attributes are not influenced by gender or sex.  An example of this is the whole idea behind White Ladys (an all female company), the company slogan is "a woman's understanding" and display images of a woman smelling a flower with a soft white background such as figure 1. below.  Lets look at some images of the staff from the White Ladys website.

Fig 1. The main photo for White Lady advertisements and promotions.
This photo can be found on almost everything related to the company.

Fig 2. The staff at White Ladys.

Fig 3. Assisting a child.

Fig 4. Assisting mourners.

    It is clear that they are actively portraying women as gentle, emotional and understanding, able to empathise strongly with the mourners and the deceased.  In most images the women are interacting directly with mourners assisting and empathising with them such as in figure 3 and figure 4.  In other images they are depicted as friendly and welcoming such as with figure 2.  Another thing to note is how the emphasis is on what they are doing or are like rather than who they are.  It is difficult to see their faces and identify them as the focus is elsewhere.  There is an unspecified emphasis in old fashioned sex roles here.  The women are all shown to be 'mothering' or 'nurturing', the way they are looking after the people, the way the tagline refers to understanding.  We should also note that they are all wearing skirts and white clothing.  The skirts are not really practical for the industry as there is a lot of awkward movement and bending needed and yet it is the company uniform.  The white is another strange thing as it would get dirty easily and obviously.  An undertaker can often and easily find themselves kneeling in the dirt to get a better grip on the coffin at a cemetery.  So a white uniform with a skirt is a strange choice for this type of job.  This only highlights the importance on identifying and emphasising the sex of the worker over the role of the worker.  White lady employees are female before they are undertakers.

    Now lets look at pictures of Guardian funerals, another big name for InvoCare which is mostly staffed by men.  There are no pictures of the staff, well, one but it is irrelevant as it does not show the staff at work and too small to be worth looking at. There are no pictures on any other InvoCare company websites of the staff at work.  In other words InvoCare has based a whole company of White Ladys on the staff, on the sex of the staff.  So they must show how it is operated by women and why this is beneficial.  I have however found images of Guardian staff in physical advertisements so they do show the staff.  In these images the staff are always shown as formal and professional.  They might be smiling and friendly but they are never shown to be doing or interacting like the women at White Ladys.  This creates an unsaid and implicit message that men are not as gentle, emotional and do not empathise with others as much.  The men in InvoCare owned companies are depicted as professional (posing formally in dark suits) while the women are depicted as emotional (posing casually in white suits and often smiling).  There are obvious and strict roles between the genders in InvoCare advertising and policy.

    Certain companies (which I will not name but are not InvoCare related) have very overt sexist policies.  For example they have a strickt policy of women must always be at the foot end on a transfer or when moving/manipulating a body.  This is because the foot end of a body has very little weight.  Most of our wight (about 60-80%) is above the hips.  So having the guy at the head end means he will bear most of the weight making it easier for the woman.  While this is taking into account sex differences which is not sexist their policy itself is sexist in the way it deals with these differences.  It assumes that all (or at least most) women are not capable or should not be involved in moving much weight.  There are many situations where this is un-necessary, pointless or stupid.  Such as with a child where there is little weight at any end, or if the guy has an injury and while able to work should not strain himself.  Plus it puts all the strain on the men and none on the women, swapping ends every now and then makes things easier in the long run.  Instead due to this general policy women always end up with the easier job while men always end up with the more difficult work.  Certain thing,s such as moving a body, depend on the situation and circumstance making blanket policies general, inappropriate and discriminatory.  One may think this policy is in itself not as sexist as I make out to be.  However consider it alongside the following point.

    These same companies do not let women drive.  If there is a man and woman on the transfer then the man must drive.  And these companies arrange it so a man and woman or two men are paired together rather than two women.  By combining the two policies about women (that they must be at the foot end and that they cannot drive) we start to see several possible discriminatory reasons and beliefs come to light.  Such as that women are not as competent drivers, that women do not 'take charge' or falter under pressure, that women cannot handel physical work and so on.  Women never end up driving or carrying much weight with these companies (physically and metaphorically).  This gives women an easier job and puts more work on the men, but it also restricts the role and responsibilities of women.  Limiting and judging women as lesser than their male coworkers.  So it is both discriminating against and for people based on their sex.

    This is only a brief and shallow look at sexism inside the funeral industry.  Sexism runs rampant and unchecked either actively through preventing women and men from doing certain jobs or subtly in the form of attributing certain characteristics with certain sexes.  The issue is bound in the fact that the funeral industry is very old and unchecked.  There is almost no regulation and no power over those who work in the industry.  A funeral home has the option to join the Australian Funeral Directors Association but there is no requirement to do so.  And if they do not meet certain standards there is almost nothing in the way of repercussions.  Such as with the funeral director who filled a coffin with bricks after cremating the wrong body.  He is still in business and just as bad, going so far as to stalk a woman with a hearse.  Most undertakers are decent people, but regulation is needed and could help reduce things like sexism.  Or at least bring these issues to light.

~~

    An interesting side not on White Ladys is that the lady featured in the main pictures smelling the rose was fired and escorted out by police.  I do not know what she did or even if the story is true, but either way InvoCare does not care and continues to use her photo to promote the company.  I have also been told that InvoCare actually owns her image, they have the rights to use her face as they like.  This sounds very likely as I know they have ownership of certain other peoples images which they use.

Funeral Fun - The cheese incident

    It was during the WNBull Christmas party that a rather funny and strange incident occurred.  The party was in the company chapel at Newtown, a small but rather nice and cosy place.  We were all seated in little groups around the room with a large buffet table in the centre.  We had all kinds of delicious food, honey ham, potato salad, sandwiches, brad rolls and butter cut into thinnish triangles to put on the rolles and so on.  There was more than enough yummy food to go around.  Everyone was having a great time, both the food and the company were nice.  Nobody was drinking particularly much alcohol as most of us had to drive home.  So nobody was expecting anything too wild or out of the ordinary (at least for funeral directors who are an odd bunch).

    Mid-way through the evening someone came up to me and asked if I had heard about the cheese issue with another co-worker.  I was rather puzzled, how can an incident occur with cheese, especially when nobody is drunk?  He explained that the other co-worker had grabbed a piece of butter from the buffet table and put it in his moth.  Then he complained that the cheese wasn't any good.  He had mistaken the butter for slices of cheese.

    Naturally the news of his adventure with the butter spread, partially because this sort of thing was not out of the ordinary for him.  He once asked "what's this?" while pointing at the spare tire in a car.  Another time I washed the shammy he cleaned his hearse with for him.  He had asked me as I was cleaning mine at the same time so he knew I was cleaning it.  Yet when I handed back he looked at it, paused for a bit and then said it wasn't his shammy, that it was the wrong colour.

    I will say that this co-worker was not stupid or even unpleasant.  With him I never knew when he was serious or joking about this kind of thing.  He would say the strangest stuff, knowing it was a joke but do so with a straight face.  Not someone to play poker with.  The funeral industry is full of people like this, wonderfully strange.  Because of this it makes the whole job and industry so much more fun and interesting.

~~

The Dangers of Gravedigging

    I recently came across this article about an Austran gravedigger who fell into a grave when the side gave way.  It reminded me how gravedigging is a dangerous and difficult job that is fairly underpaid and under-appreciated.  So I thought I would start the month with a post about the troubles of the gravedigger.

    Cemeteries are not chosen for their good soil.  Most are just clay or sand or a mix of the two.  In any case this makes them terrible to work with.

    Gravedigging is actually a rather dangerous job.  In dry weather at Eastern Suburbs Memorial Park (ESMP), also known as Botany Cemetery, the sand is very fine and lose.  As a result they often cannot use machinery and have to dig the grave by hand.  This means they have to get into the grave and dig with shovels.  They also have to board up the sides to prevent the grave collapsing (which is quite common due to the lose sand).  However the sand still pours through even the tiniest of gaps.  Worse is that if they bump the board or if it is simply not secured properly then the whole side can come crashing down on the diggers.  There have been a few close calls over the years but luckily no serious injuries or issues.  The diggers at ESMP pray for rain as it binds the sand and prevents it moving about so easily, however too much rain and the sound is liable to move about.

    Digging is just as dangerous in the wet, if not more so at certain cemeteries.  At Rookwood for example the soil is made up of a sticky and slippery clay.  The digger trucks at this cemetery are just covered with the clay both inside and outside.  From the steering wheel to the door handles the once white trucks are perfect brown.  Also at these places if they cannot dig with a machine (such as with memorial or difficult to reach graves) then they have to do it by hand.  This is incredibly difficult and can take days to dig a single grave.

    Another issue is in the weather itself, diggers work outside in any and all conditions.  They will work outside even on the hottest days in summer where the temperature is over 40c and there is no shade or wind to cool them.  Something they have to watch for is being burnt.  Anything metal left in the sun on these days becomes so hot it will burn on contact.  So all their shovels and other tools with metal part, the grave covers which have metal handles and so on can burn them if not careful.  A fairly common health issue for diggers is skin cancer, after talking with several over my time I found many who either had a skin cancer removed or knew a co-worker who had one removed.  Even though they used sun-screen and wore hats the amount of time in the Australian sun took its tole.  A less common issue with

    Grave collapses are an unavoidable occurrence.  If you are at a funeral and the grave has fake grass down both or one side it means that the grave collapsed.  In these cases you can often see the coffin, or very very rarely the body, in the next grave.  When this happens the diggers will spray a dis-infectant which smells like odd bubblegum.  They will also put out the seats down-wind of the grave (for obvious reasons as the smell is rather unpleasant).  So again, if you see fake grass, smell strange bubblegum and the seating is in an unexpected spot it means that the grave has collapsed the coffin next to it is exposed.

    There is very little the diggers can do to prevent or lessen this.  I remember one digger telling me how as they dug the graves on one side kept collapsing and falling into the original grave.  The more they dug out the more that fell in and in the end over four graves along had collapsed into the original grave.  He said it was because of the rain, it had rained heavily over the last few days and the ground had moved about.

    Water in the grave is another issue for diggers.  It makes digging the grave difficult and then the family are often unhappy with the sight of water in the grave.  Sometimes it is so bad that the coffin will float when lowered which can really upset certain families.  Unfortunately the funeral directors get the blame, even though they had nothing do do with the grave, or the diggers get the blame, even though there is nothing they can do.  At some cemeteries (such as Forest Lawn) once you dig to a certain depth you hit the water table.  So if the family order a deep grave then no matter what there will be water in the bottom. Again this is an issue with it rains as due to the slope of many graveyards the water will pour into the grave.

    One digger told me about how this happened on one of his jobs.  It was raining so hard that there was (as he put it) a waterfall flowing down the side of the grave.  They had two pumps working constantly but it was slowly filling up.  This is not normally a problem as most families will undertand, but in this case the deceased had died by accidental drowning.  So they were extremely upset with the idea of his coffin being lowered into water.  In the end the funeral had to be postponed and the poor digger coped a lot of blame.

    In the end the diggers are usually really nice people who work very hard.  Often they go above and beyond their duties to help families and funeral staff.  I remember one digger who helped us change a tire on a hearse in his own time.  Unfortunately they also earn too little being paid only minimum wage, as do most in the industry.  So perhaps throw them a small tip, offer them a cold water, or at least thank them for their work.

~~

How to Trim a Coffin WNBull Style - The Handels

    You can read the previous parts on how to do the inside lining here and how to do the lid and thumbscrews here.  But now for the handles, an important part of the coffin.

    One thing to remember is that you must make sure all screws and nails are in properly, otherwise the handle may come off at a bad time.


1. Flip the coffin onto its side.

2. Get the following tools and place them close by:
- 1x Hammer.
- 1x Guide (the wood block used to keep the handel straight and in the right spot, labelled "tudor" in the picture).
- 1x Drill.
- 6x Handles.
- 12x Nails (long).
- 24x Screws.

3. Line up the handle so the middle will be centred with the thumbscrew on the lid.  Feel free to use the hammer to help make it straight.

4. Use the guide to keep the handle straight and at just the right hight on the coffin.

5. Hammer the nails into the tops of the handle, you need two nails per handle.


6. Once all three handles have been secured drill them down.

7. Check all there handles making sure they are straight and secured.

8. Flip the coffin to the other side and now do the same with those three handles.


    If you followed all three posts then that's it, you trimmed a coffin!

    You can read the previous parts on how to do the inside lining here and how to do the lid and thumbscrews here.

~~

Funeral Fun - Whale of a Transfer

    This is not my story, and I was not even in the industry when it happened, someone I use to work with told me this story as a cautionary tale on why to never keep things in pockets higher than your waist.  But it is such an odd and amusing story I thought it worth telling here.

Funeral Fun - Accident on the Harbour Bridge!

    Breaking down or having an accident in a funeral car is often a little more serious than with most other cars.  Mainly because the funeral car will probably have a body or two onboard which always grabs attention.  And this attention is really unwanted for the funeral homes as it makes them look bad.  So you can imagine how bad it was when a hearse had an accident almost right ON the Harbour Bridge.  A classic Sydney icon that is a major link between two sides of the city.

    The hearse was driving along, headed to a funeral in North Sydney, so it had a coffin onboard.  It was only a small funeral so the hearse only had a conductor and driver, no cars following and nobody else inside.  It was also late afternoon and getting close to rush hour.  As they made their way onto the Harbour Bridge there was a sudden and loud bang, as thought the hearse had slamed into something.  They paused for a moment but continued on when smoke started pouring out of the engine.  They immediately pulled over and jumped out as it looked like it a fire was starting.  The engine looked totaled at the front, fluids and smoke were pouring out form underneath.  Of course the conductor grabbed his mobile and started calling the relative people, such as roadside assistance, and the office.

  Once the office found out about the accident they scrambled another hearse to go and collect the body so they could continue with the funeral, and also because they did not want to make the news with a body in a hearse having an accident.  The RTA (road maintenance people) were very quick to arrive as they had seen the accident on their cameras and promptly started diverting traffic and organising a tow truck.  Not long after the second rescue hearse arrived and they were about to get the coffin out of the first, broken hearse when the RTA stopped them.  They refused to let them move the coffin until after the broken hearse was towed off.  To the RTA the priority was on getting the road clear, which is their job.  Looking at the time the funeral staff knew they would not make the funeral in time if they waited.  So as soon as the RTA had turned their backs the funeral staff grabbed the coffin out, jogged it over to the other hearse, threw it in and sped off before anyone could stop them.

The hearse involved, much later

    The second hearse made it to the funeral in time and the family never knew about the accident that nearly delayed the whole event.  This is about when I came into the office to drop off some paperwork.  All the phones were constantly ringing, people were dashing about, it was chaotic.  As soon as I found out what had happened I immediately left and went home for the day (it was time to finish) as I knew I would be no use and did not want to get dragged into the chaos and panic.

    As for the hearse, it was towed off.  After a few hours and lots of debate the hearse was then towed over to the WNBull North Sydney branch before being taken to a mechanic a few days later.  They later found out that it had hit a road sign which was lying on the road.  This sign had then shredded the transmission and most of the engine.  After being hit the sign was then flung to the other side of the road, narrowly missing the oncoming traffic.  It is very lucky nobody was hurt and only the hearse was damaged.

    What is stranger, and luckier for the funeral home, is that it did not make the news in any way.  One would think that a hearse, with coffin inside, having an accident on its way onto the Sydney Harbour Bridge on the edge of rush hour would make the news.  But no, here are no pictures of stories to be found anywhere about the event.

~~

Working Funerals - Handling the Elderly

    Part of working funerals is dealing with the elderly, they are more likely to know and/or be related to people who die as most people who die are themselves older and/or elderly.

    I should define what i mean by 'elderly' as I am not just talking about old or older people.  There is no age limit or minimum to be 'elderly', one must simple be old.  I use 'elderly' to refer to people who act old mental and physically.  It is not just that they will have trouble getting about, will have trouble thinking, are slow to respond and so on.  They will also have an 'elderly' attitude and feel about them and often have many/odd/difficult requests.  However this is not always because of their age as some people who are quite old will act quite young.  They may have trouble getting about/thinking but are still lively and do not feel old to interact with.

    As the elderly are an unavoidable part of the funeral I thought that a short guide on how to handle them could be useful and/or interesting.  I may talk of attitudes to elderly at funerals another time, but for now I will just stick to handy tips and things to watch for.


Some General Tips & Recommendations:
    My top tip is that elderly love free stuff no matter what its value.  If you are having trouble getting rid of an older person and/or they are unhappy/confused for whatever reason offer them something for free.  They will then usually walk off, content with their new thing which they will inspect in detail while walking off or once they are seated.  However they do not want just any old thing for free, it has to be something nobody else is getting.  For example handing them an 'order of service' (or 'mass book') is not considered valuable as you are giving everyone the same thing.  So instead give them a pen or something else which nobody else is talking/getting (even if they are allowed to have one).  WNBull puts company bookmarks on its tables, something nobody generally wants at a funeral except people who are already a fan of the company.  As such nobody wanted or took them.  This made them the perfect thing to give to old people, it was something nobody else was getting making them appear to be 'special'.

    The elderly often have difficulty making decisions or communicating, or for that matter thinking in general.  This might only minor and mean they change their mind about something trivial once.  Or it coule be major in that they do not know who brought them to the funeral or who will take them to the cemetery (as happened with one of the priests on a funeral).  Long story short he had no idea about even the colour of the car that he came in, and quite possibly did not get a car to the funeral.

    Elderly people are slow, in body and mind.  As frustrating as it can be to stand about, waiting for what feels like an eternity while they think over a point or formulate a questions, you will have to deal with it.  A simple fact is that our brains often slow down as we age, so be patient and think of how you want to be treated when you get old.  The elderly are also physically slow, which blocks pathways and others movements.  Again, you will have to live with it, but it is perfectly fine and reasonable to ask to get past.  Always ask rather than push and they are often likely to move aside, many elderly realise they are slow and you are not and once made aware of the situation are quite happy to let you pass.  However just push past and it will be seen as rude and inconsiderate (which it is).

    They often had old fashioned or conservative views and attitudes.  Understand this, do not let it make you prejudice and do not bring up politics or religion.  If these topics come up do not get into it (they can be dragged out for ages if you do) and do not state your views if they violently contradict/contrast the other persons view (as they will either feel bad or the need to prove their point).  This is good advice for dealing with people in general in a customer service role, but the elderly are more likely to be old fashioned or conservative and depending on your age/ideas are also more likely to be furthest from your own beliefs.  It is rare that somebody will win in a debate on these topics.  This relates to my next point.

    As a result of these older attitudes they may have prejudice against you or preconceived ideas about you based on certain things.  Being in my early 20s in an industry where the average staff member is in their 50s made people look at me differently.  I often had older people try and tell me what to do as they knew best and I was just a kid.  That my opinions were invalid on the mear fact that I was young and thus they assumed unexperienced and/or uneducated (through life itself or books).  They did not like the idea of a 'kid' driving them about or having an idea they disagreed with.  On the other hand I had people who were very happy with me being a 'kid' and actually liked it.  They asked me about new things (such as the GPS in the car).  They would comment on my age and state how I was around the same age as their grandkids.  This example of ageisim is just one of many, but the point is elderly people will see things differently to you and you should make room for this.

    Technology is something they dislike and tradition is something rely on.  Unless they bring it up do not bring it up.  It is not because it is a controversial topic which can cause heated debate (like religion, politics, etc) but because they simply do not like or understand technology.  I remember one elderly lady demanded I keep the GPS off while driving even though I was not using it.  She did not like the picture being there as she thought that GPS and modern technology was the end of the world, people were relying on it and it was faulty.

Hazards to Watch For & How to Deal with Them:
    Know where the bathrooms are, many, including the elderly, will probably need them and not know where to go.  So know where the bathroom is and if it is unlocked, or at least roughly where it should be.

    Stairs or steps are perhaps the biggest issue to the elderly.  They have trouble getting up or down them and could fall.  Be ready to help them or direct them to a ramp.  And remember, a single step of an inch can be just as bad as a long staircase.

    They are liable to fall over or trip, almost as likely as a drunk person.  As one ages their balance deteriorates as much as the other senses thus making it harder to keep upright.  Also proprioception is something which deteriorates making it harder to control ones limbs.  Thus they can fall over, seriously injuring themselves in situations we take for granted or would not even consider difficult.  So watch them and be ready to assist them.  Some would say that you should also be ready to actually catch people if they start to fall, but this depends on weather or not you could actually catch them.  There is no point in both of you falling and getting hurt.

    The rain and wet is a major hazard to the elderly.  They can fall over, slip or get damp.  Either way it will cause them harm and/or grief.  So keep an umbrella handy and an eye on the elderly in the rain.

    The heat and sun can be worse for the elderly than the rain.  The only people I ever saw faint at funerals were with young girls (usually thin but rarely 'too thin') and the elderly (again, usually women).  With the young girls they are often fine after a drink and resting in the shade, however with the elderly it can easily involve an ambulance check.  So keep water and umbrellas handy to pass out to the elderly.  Simply do not let the elderly get too hot.  It can be a serious issue and involve an ambulance which is a spectacle and a lot of work for you.

    When giving water to the elderly (especially at a cemetery) be mindful of their bladders.  Offer them water but do not force it upon them.  It might turn out that person has a bad bladder, does not need the water and is liable to wet themselves if they drink it.

    They may have trouble getting in or out of cars, especially new cars.  Watch cars as they arrive and be ready to help an older person out, this will keep traffic flowing and prevent blockages.

    Elderly people do not make good drivers (in most cases at least) so direct them if needed and do NOT send them down narrow or difficult paths.  They have trouble judging spaces and can get bottled up which again blocks traffic.

    Be ready to take wheelers as they sit dow (a 'wheeler' is a walking frame on wheels).  If you let it sit in the aisles then this blocks the flow of people, so move it to the side informing the owner as you do so.  On the other hand be ready to pass the wheelers that have been moved back to the owner as they are leaving.

    WIth all of the above hazards prevention is the key.  Stopping something before it happens will keep people happier and save you a lot of time and effort.  So think of them and yourself and take a moment to prevent something rather than avoiding it and having to react after something goes wrong.

How to Avoid the Elderly:
    Yes, my top recommendation is to actually avoid the elderly, especially if they appear difficult.  This naturally depends on your disposition, many people actually like working with the elderly just as many enjoy working with children.  Simply everyone has things they do and do not like.  So if you are like me and do not think like this then avoid them.  So 'vanish' at the right time and somebody else will 'get' to handle these aspects/people you dislike.  Here are some tips on how to avoid the elderly:

    Be physically distant from the situation, or at least further from it than other staff and you are less likely to become involved.   For example go to the hearse, you might 'need' to get something out or put something back, this is the perfect time to do so as you - especially if the hearse is located quite far away.

    Be busy elsewhere, there is plenty to do on a funeral, so find something you would rather do before others find it.  This could involve sorting the condolence book, although this is not that good as you can stop and come back to this task, or another staff member could take over this task.  Or you could 'have' to move one of the funeral cars (especially if it is the car you're assigned to), although this is sometimes silly, out of place and not liked by certain conductors.  Another option is to already be helping someone with something, such as taking an unstable person to their seat or showing someone where the bathrooms are.  Either way, find a task that you can do, is a valid task that can be prioritised, that you cannot just pause or pass on and that will not make it appear as though you are avoiding work.

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    Some things said here can make people a bit unhappy, they have thought this post takes a prejudice view against the older people.  I have nothing against the elderly, however they are annoying and inconvenient.  This is nopt to say others are not annoying/inconvenient, but that the elderly are different and sometimes more annoying and inconvenient.  On the other hand they can be quite lovely and wonderful to chat with, especially the Catholic nuns/sisters who are often very lively and full of humour.