Rookwood Cemetery Station - All Saints Church Canberra

    A while ago I visited the All Saints Church in Canberra which was originally Cemetery Station No.1 at Rookwood Cemetery in Sydney.  And finally, I have found time to put together a post about the trip!  This is mostly a picture post, I know it's been a while.

Funeral Fun - Uncle Arthur

    Funerals are seen as a sad or depressing event.  But this is often not the case, especially for the staff work work funeral every day.  Undertakers learn to make jokes in almost every situation, the job is just that, a job.

Funeral Fun - The Crowed and Dementia Lady

    As a family car driver it is quite common to be out and about on the roads all day.  You may get a pickup so early that you barely have time to get changed and go, then finish so late the sun has gone down.  But you get use to it after a while, and do little things to make the day go by a bit easier.  Such as keeping snack on your person to much on when nobody is looking.

    One of these days however had been so long and tiring.  In fact it had been a long week of me racing about doing lots of things in each day.  It was the middle of the week and I had to pick up the wife of the deceased at 13:15.  The day sheet specified that she did not want to get there too early, before the coffin was at and in the church and was to call her on approach 5minutes before I arrived.  And considering the service started at 13:30 and church was literally 5 minutes drive away this could be an issue.  But no worries, I worked out a way that would take up some time, plus by the time she actually got in the car we would not be there too early.

    When it was time to set off I said bye to the conductor, telling him I would not be there before 13:30.  He replied that he knew the situation and would make sure the coffin was in before I even picked her up.  Little did we know things would not turn out this way.

    I arrived at the nursing home, a rather nice middle-class one with lots of independent living.  As traffic was good and the distance short I got there at 13:00, too early.  Again, I was not worried as it gave me time to make sure the car was clean and organised and to phone her without driving.  I had a habit of calling 15minutes before the pickup time and let them know I would be 5 minutes early.  Not too early as to hurry them but definitely not late either.  This was because many a time the family would more about the pickup time about.  So I called at 13:00, informing the wife that I would be there at about 13:10 and there was no need to hurry as I knew the church was close.  This is something I soon regretted.  The wife was a lovely lady, very kind and nice, but mostly checked out.  We later discovered she had milde to moderate dementia and the event of her husbands sudden death exacerbated it.  She had trouble making, and communicating, decisions or information over the phone.  At first she was quite happy with what I told her, then suddenly worried insisting I arrive at 13:45.  Both not wanting to wait about and not wanting to rush over to the church I informed her that the service would start around then and it was probably best she arrive a little before to touch base with the priest, funeral staff and other mourners.  At first the conversation was very pleasant although confusing.  However it began to deteriorate into just confusion and indecision.  So I suggested and settled on picking her up at 13:20.

    After waiting about for ages it was finally time to get her.  I drove in and waited in the car park as instructed.  Eventually the wife and her sister, who was a sister (nun) came down.  We introduced ourselves and exchanged pleasantries, they were both quite nice people.  And off we went to the church.

    Driving up to the church we come around the last corner and are greeted with the sight of a small crowd around the back of the hearse.  There is the conductor and hearse driver and a bunch of people all doing something with the coffin inside the hearse.  Obviously things had not gone to plan, a fact which I would like to prevent the wife noticing more for her sake than anything else.  So I look about but the only place to park is right behind the hearse and the crowd, right in front of the ordeal.   As I pull up the conductor sees me, races over and opens my door, while the car is still moving.  I was just so shocked, this conductor is such a composed person who is really difficult to rattle.  Yet here he is, opening my door before I even stop to tell me there is a problem.

    Luckily, due possibly to her dementia she never noticed and upon seeing my door open also opened her door, proceeding to hope out as she did so.  Between the sight at the hearse and conductor opening my door so suddenly and unexpectedly I was surprised and still moving slightly.  Thankfully she was not hurt and got out like nothing was wrong.

    After everyone was out of the car the hearse driver, conductor and I went over to the coffin still in the hearse out front of the church.  Without wasting time talking we got a young kid to help us (the deceased was heavy) and took the coffin out, into the church.  The hearse driver and I went to one side where I asked what happened, why the coffin was not in place already.

    He told me that the staff member who was sent to help us had been called away by the big boss when he was only 5minutes from the church.  The boss had him race back to the office to get a payment check for the priest for this job, then come all the way back to the church.  Obviously he arrived late, unable to help.  All four of us were less than impressed, the whole point of having him on the funeral was defeated.  But this did not explain the crowd.  So I asked about why there were all those people fussing behind the hearse.  The hearse driver explained that they had found two people quite willing to help carry in, the young boy wo had helped us and a middle aged man.  However as they had pulled the coffin out the man told them he had bad knees and did not think he could hold the weight.  Seeing him start to wobble the conductor insisted they put the coffin straight back into the hearse.

    When the conductor came out he told us that the priest had already been paid, by the family, and did not need us to pay him to.  he could not understand the cheque that was so important (even if we did need to pay him, we could post the cheque as we have done before).  The conductor then rang up the office, not wanting to pay the priest twice for one job.  In a 'brilliant' move our office insisted he ask the wife about the payment.  Yes, our office wanted the conductor of her husbands funeral on her husbands funeral if she had paid the priest.  Even though I reminded the office and conductor of her dementia.  If she had trouble telling time then organising a payment might not be easy or reliable.  But the office insisted that the conductor ask.

    So the service ended, everyone is out the front milling about and the conductor seized this opportunity to ask the wife.  It was as good a time as any that would be found during a funeral.  He came back over to us after some time with his head in his hands.  The poor lady had no idea one way or the other and was now convinced she had to still pay him.  The priest was set to get paid three times for one job, at about $250 per job that would amount to a nice bit.  Another stick in the score for our offices ingrained inefficiency and borderline incompetence.

    Driving the wife to the cemetery she had no idea and was quite happy considering the circumstances.  Given that the funeral was exacerbating moderate dementia she only had a lose grasp on the situation.  But with her sister the sister looking out for her she would be fine.  However she later wanted to stop for a coffee after the cemetery service, something I did not want to do.  So in another post I'll explain the time I prevented a nice old lady with dementia stopping for a coffee.

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How to Attend a Funeral; A Briefe Guide

There is no ‘requirements’ about attending a funeral, but there are rights and wrongs.  And it is amazing how many people do not know how to attend a funeral. So here are some simple tips to make your and the families experience a bit nicer:

1. Turn off your phone, do not silence it.  Just recently somebodies phone went off several times during the service in the church and then at the grave.  Every time he thought he had silenced it only to be embarrassed a while later.
2. Keep moving, do not hover around and block the doors, tables or stairs.  Blocking the tables delays people from signing the condolence book.  Blocking doors or stairs makes it hard for us and others to move about.  We have a job to do and often only a little time to do a lot.  You would not want people getting in the way of your work, do not get in the way of ours.  It may sound inconsiderate, but making sure that funeral runs smoothly is our job.  Every time we are held up is time the family and the funeral itself are held up.
3. Move along the seats.  It is inconsiderate to sit down on the end and leave spaces in the middle.  It does not matter if you “cannot see from the middle” or “do not know those people”.  Move along and let others sit down to, otherwise you will be making people stand for the whole service.
4. Look up the directions.  People usually know where they are going and when days in advance.  It is beyond me why almost nobody looks up the directions before hand.  The cemetery or crematorium cannot be put into the GPS as an address in most cases (not that people try).  So for something so important why most people just ‘wing it’ on the day is irresponsible, especially if they are from out of town.  The funeral staff will try to keep everyone together, but this is incredibly difficult, especially with a very long trip or cortege.
5. When driving in the cortege keep up and stay close.  Most people are not trained or experienced at following a cortege.  They will need larger gaps than the funeral staff or hire car drivers.  But keep as close as possible while staying safe.  When a car falls back it can result in others cutting in, the cortege not making the lights or just breaking up the look of the cortege.  Not to meantion any cars behind that one are now even further back.  Keeping as close as possible will keep everyone together and look good.
6. Use the lights, but do not go crazy.  As soon as you are ready to move off turn on the headlights.  This lets the conductor know you are with the cortege and that you are ready.  Also use your indicators, people who are behind and around need to know where the cortege is going.  Indicate a little earlier than usual, or as soon as the car in front does and this will save a lot of trouble.  Having said that do not over-use the lights.  There is no need for high-beams or hazard lights unless there is an emergency.  This will only confuse and irritate people.
7. Do not run red lights or drive dangerously to keep up.  However you may have to break the law, as long as it is safe; such as going a little over the speed limit, or running a stop sign on a quiet street or cutting people off at the roundabouts after they stop to let the cortege through.  But being stupid and dangerous is never acceptable!  I have seen people run red lights to keep up because they did not know the way and panicked.  I have seen cars nearly side swipe each other when merging to keep up.  If you get cut off we will slow down, or stop just a little further ahead.  So wait, and do not worry, you will always catch up to the slow cortege.  But never panic and endanger yourself or others just to keep up.
8. At the grave do not stand on the grave cover.  This is a door sized thing, usually with fake grass on it.  Do not stand between it or the grave after we have lowered either.  Or we ill just politely ask you to move to one side.  It is no big deal, but many people just get embarrassed once they realise where they are standing.
9. Do not be a hero.  If you cannot carry 50kg or more do not offer to carry the coffin, take an umbrella if it is sunny, sit down if nobody else does and you want to.  Either way, do not put yourself out, it does you no good and is pointless.
10. Do not block our way when we are carrying the coffin anywhere.  That thing is heavy, we do not want to mess about waiting for someone to step to the side, nor to we want to have to squeeze past people.  It is most common at the graveside, people will hop out of their cars, walk to the grave and then stop.  Rarely do they think about how we will be carrying the coffin that way to.  Especially in a narrow cemetery with uneven ground.  I do not care if it sounds rude, but I also do not think you would want to stand about hanging on to 70kg with only a small handle that cuts into your hand all while waiting for someone to exclaim “oh, am I in your way..?” before slowly and awkwardly moving away

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