Cemeteries Running Out of Space

    Every so often the public papers will run a couple of stories on how cemeteries are running out of space, then promptly drop the story.  It is an odd occurrence I have seen repeated ever few years and something I should address eventually.

What the Public Don't See in the Hearse

    In the last post I discussed the symbolism and significance of the hearse to the mourners.  There was no doubt by the end that the hearse is a very important vehicle for mourners.  Yet at the same time there is a discrepancy with what mourners see and what the hearse is.

    Despite the significance placed on the hearse many aspets are overlooked.

Symbolism & Significance of the Hearse

    The hearse has an odd relationship with the public.  On one hand the hearse is seen as highly symbolic, wrapped up in meaning and significance, representing a variety of things from death to tradition.  Yet at the same time the public only takes a short glance at the hearse, looking upon it briefly and noticing little past the colour.

    In this post I look at how the public sees the hearse, from my admittedly limited research into this area.

Funeral Advertisements

    Funeral advertisements are a debated topic.  Some see them as a negative thing, that ads aimed at the general public forget the individual and de-personalise the industry.  But these public ads also do a lot of good, they help to bring funerals back to the public.  As such grief and the funeral industry are made more acceptable.

Obituaries: The funeral industry sports pages

    Obituaries are something most overlook.  Many avoid them or never think of them until the death of someone they know.  However this is not the case for those in the funeral industry.  To them the obituaries are like the gossip page or the sports page.  It is a good example on how simply looking at something differently can completely change the meaning and use.

Crying on Funerals; how people display emotion & the professional wailers

    It was once said on Something Positive that our sorrow at the death of a loved one comes more from of selfishness than empathy.  People are sad that they can no longer spend time with that person rather than sad that the person is actually dead.  Another interesting point is Durkheim's argument that we are naturally social creatures constantly conflicting with social desires and expectations.  This lead me to the thought of how emotions on funerals is quite possibly as social as it is personal.

    According to the images and perceptions of funerals the event itself is a sad affair where people will express their depression and sorry in a variety or ways, from silent starring to emotional crying.  However the truth is that people are quite 'normal' on funerals.  Sure, there is sorrow but the event as a whole is generally more like a gathering of family and friends than a sad emotional event.  Of course there are exceptions, some people do cry, others are so emotional they can barely stand.  What I have found is this degree of emotional display differs with culture, age and gender.  Thus I will be looking at the degree to which certain people display negative emotion (such as crying) on funerals.

    Firstly we should look at age.  From what I have seen the amount of crying or display of emotion differs quite considerably with age, and until a certain point (towards adolescence) is nots influenced by gender or culture.  Very young children, those under the age of five or so, were very unlikely to cry.  Instead they were more concerned with eating, going outside, playing and other such needs and desires.  This changed when children were eight to twelve, as at this age they were surprisingly very likely to cry and be more upset than most adults.  Yet once they got much older than twelve to thirteen they become more dependant on the social situation.  As in if the adults were crying  then they were liable to cry, and if the adults were not crying they would not be likely to either.  The influence of gender is not apparent until into, or after, puberty.  Thus boys and girls cry and exhibit emotions to the same degree until 'men' or 'women'.

    Now lets discuss my observation.  I find the whole concept interesting, that the display of emotion on funerals varies with age, but not gender nor culture until a certain age.  The young children who do not cry or show any emotion could have several reasons for this.  One is that children simply do not understand 'others' fully.  By this I mean that those under a certain age only think of themselves and struggle with empathising with others.  If one asks a child how many siblings they have then they might say "one brother", however ask them bow many siblings their brother has and they might have trouble answering.  They cannot see things from others perspectives and as such one cannot really expect them to be sad that something (or someone) they struggle with understanding exists or empathising with is dead.  So on the funeral you will see young children quite understandably more concerned with going outside to play rather than sit inside listening to a long service ignoring the social conventions and expectations around them.  Yet the exact opposite appears to be true when older children, especially around eight to ten years old.  They will almost certainly cry, and not just a couple of tears, they will have red eyes, blocked noses and be like a little waterfall of sorrow.  As with the younger children they to ignore social conventions and expectations, generally crying no matter what.  There could be several reasons for this display of emotion, the one I believe is that this is a prime age where they can fully understand others as well as death and yet have not developed the mental tools to deal with the coming together of the two ideas.  Simply the fact that people exist and can be empathised with creates a serious upset once children realise that these people die.  They feel sorry for the person, bad that they are dead and never to return.  Despite knowing and understanding this they are still too young and inexperienced to have developed the tools to deal with this coming together of concepts.  This is partially due to the fact that adults are so hesitant to talk with children about death.  Many strange questions were asked by children on funerals, they would ask about what the hearse was, what was in the coffin, where the dead go (it was interesting that they had to go somewhere, they could not just cease to be), what all the candles were for, what is in the hole (asking about the grave), why there were flowers, where the coffin went at the crematorium and so on.  What was most interesting is that adults were hesitant to explain anything much, avoiding details and often resorting to making things up.  A few adults explained that the hearse would drive the deceased "up to heaven" even when they were not religious.  When asked about the coffin some explained that the deceased was "asleep in the box".  Either way the adults would always answer questions about the deceased in present tense and never that they were dead.  They were just "asleep in the box" or "on his way to heaven".  When questioned they always explained to me that they were hesitant to discuss death with children as it was "inappropriate for them, their too young and wont understand".  Adults thought it was likely to "damage" or even "upset" them as one childcare worker once said to me.  He was convinced that explaining anything to do with death to children would have a fundamental negative impact on them, going so far as to say it would be "scarring them" to do so.  When I asked him when he would recommend explaining to people about death he replied "when they are old enough to understand it".  He would not have told them anything about death until they had all but developed their own understanding anyway.  Yet death is a fact of life, and what was interesting was that the children were quite comfortable with the questions and answers it was the adults who were uncomfortable by talking about the process of death.  I have serious doubts that the children would be damaged in anyway by explaining death to them.  In fact avoiding the topic leaves them without tools to deal with it later.  Thus in the ages shortly before puberty they are old enough to understand death but not taught about it or how to deal with it.

    When children are about twelve to thirteen they are much more dependant on the society in forming their emotional response.  Here they have gained tools to deal with death, but more importantly they are focusing on the group rather than themselves, they are becoming an active member of society.  This is also the time where gender starts to have its influence.  Boys become less likely to exhibit emotions, and when they do they are often not as strongly displayed as girls.  I just find it so strange that it is basically not until puberty that society has an influence on how children display emotion.  It raises all sorts of questions, such as whether emotions are socially dependant or influenced, what the role society actively has on our thoughts and so on.  But for now I do not have time nor room to expand upon, or answer, these questions.

    Adults are more predictable and follow preconceived connections when it comes to exhibiting emotions. Women are obviously much more likely to cry or show how sad they are.  While men do cry occasionally they never display their emotions as strongly as women.  Adults are also much more dependent on culture and the situation than children.  If their culture dictates they should cry (as some do) then they will.  And those that do not are looked at strangely and judged.  I remember one woman saying how it was customary to cry on funerals in her culture.  Crying, especially amongst women, indicated how strongly they felt about the deceased.  However at her grandfathers funeral, a person who she loved strongly, she did not cry.  Instead she told me how she had been too upset to cry.  She did notice how this gained her strange and quite judgemental looks from other family members.  they expected her to cry and her not doing so was the same as saying she did not care about her grandfather.  Another example is of a guy I once saw on a funeral.  Obviously distraught at the loss of the deceased he was crying away, not loudly, just sobbing to himself.  However the other mourners were looking at him like he was acting slightly inappropriately and strangely.  I do not know if there was more to the story, like whether or not he was known for being over the top or inappropriate but he was being judged as such.  It does however fit with the social convention that men do not, and should not, cry.  Here we see that crying and displaying emotions are strongly dictated by society.

    Displays of emotions on funerals are also very cultural, in fact all behaviour on funerals is very cultural.  Certain cultures will behave a certain way on the funeral.  The traditional white Australian Catholic funerals were a sober affair, people might be upset but it was much more a gathering of friends and family to them.  Everyone knew their place and stood in it quietly, knowing when and where to move.  They did not crowd around in big groups having to push each other to get anywhere.  Mourners were rarely extreme in their actions or behaviour and most often actually quite happy.  however they were very 'traditional' and tense in that everyone had to play their assigned roles just right.  They were also impersonal, mainly with the service itself which rarely focused on the decease instead glorifying the priest and the deceased commitment to faith.  Non-religious funerals on the other hand were less predictable, people were a lot generally more relaxed, not caring much for assigned roles for family, friends or even the staff.  They were more likely to display emotion and focused the service primarily on the deceased.  Now we come to the ethnic services and the "professional wailers" as they are called (who are always women).  They have to display emotion, they will cry uncontrollably, barely able to stand and then suddenly be fine, on their way for a coffee at the wake.  They go in and out of 'crying fits', all together at certain almost predesignated times or situations.  It is absolutely fascinating, and some who do not understand would look at it as though they were faking their upset in an attempt to garnish attention.  Yet this is not the case, they are not faking at all.  It is just their culture which dictates when and how they should display emotions, almost uncontrollably in one situation but then not in the next.  they are not switching "in and out of character" as someone once said, they are just following their cultural teachings.  Mourners on ethnic funerals will also be more involved, or at least appear to be involved.  They crowd around everything and get in the way, even around the coffin or graveside.  They will sometimes want to do things the undertakers should do, such as moving the grave cover, moving flowers about and so on.  In the end they mean no harm and just operate to ways unexpected by Australian traditions.

    The display of emotions on funerals varies quite considerably with different groups.  Children do not cry or get emotionally invested in the event until they are older.  Here they will cry and be emotional regardless of social influences such as culture or gender.  Once they grow up older children and adults are very much socially bound in their display of emotions.  For example gender has an influence, restricting men from displaying 'too much' emotion.  There are also cultural conventions on when one should cry and how this display of emotion actually shows how much one felt about the deceased (particularly with women).

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Ignoring the Dead & the Consequences

    One of the biggest issues with the funeral industry is a lack of thought or discussion about it.  Not because it is a taboo or inappropriate subject, but for other reasons such as a lack of information and an odd idea that others find it upsetting or taboo.  This lack of discussion leds to serious issues and deregulation.

    Many argue that it is a 'hidden industry' and that most people do not want to know about it.  Either that it is taboo, upsetting or just something to keep quiet.  However I disagree with this entirely.  People are almost always quite happy to talk about it, and actually really interested in the industry.  This is why it started 'The Other Side of Funerals', to feed people the information they crave.

    It was almost surprising the first time I saw the white Toyota van and was told that it was the transfer vehicle.  It was very unexpected to find out that the body is picked up and brought to the funeral home in the back of a Toyota Hiace van.  What was more surprising is how I had never actually thought about this. About how the body is moved about, I knew they would die in hospital then turn up in a coffin at the funeral.  Everything in the middle was an absence, an area I had never avoided because I had never even considered it.  And I think this is the case for most people.  It is not a topic we avoid thinking or talking about, but a topic we never think or talk about.

    When driving families whilst on funerals I never brought up the topic of how the industry worked.  But it was surprising how often and keenly the family asked me about it.  Especially once they realised that I would be open, honest and still quite diplomatic and not graphic about the industry.  One would consider this to be an inappropriate time to discuss these things.  Here they are, in a black car following a hearse containing the body of their loved one.  Yet they always appreciated it, now knowing for sure that their loved one had been treated respectfully and what the basics of the process was.  I never once had a bad reaction from those who asked about the industry.

    A certain mortician at Westmead Hospital once told me about how the hospital had an open day one a year.  And once the heads of the hospital had asked if the mortuary would be appropriate or possible to include in tours.  The mortuary staff agreed, saying they had no issue with showing and explaining to people about the mortuary.  Then the first open day rolled around which would include the mortuary, the staff did not thinking many of the public would be willing or interested.  Yet they had too many people, the day was scheduled to shut at 16:00 and he said they were still letting people inside well after 19:00.  It was a huge success and very popular.  So popular in fact that the hospital then started regular tours, first focusing on bringing people from the military, police, fire brigade and so on, the aim was to let them experience a body and understand the mortuary.  But after a while the mortuary staff put a stop to the tours as they were becoming a 'freak show'.  The hospital even went as far as to invite young boy scouts to see the bodies and mortuary.  So the public is so keen and willing to see a mortuary.

    This defies what I have experienced at most hospitals.  Mortuaries are never labelled on maps or the doors, the only two exceptions I know of being Concorde and Westmead.  Instead the mortuary is down a corridor at the end of a car park and behind doors that look as though they lead to a closet.  Hospitals do their best to hid the fact that they have a mortuary, almost as though admitting its existence would be telling the patients that they will die.  They hide the mortuary as though they are hiding the fact of death within their hospital.  Yet the one time that I know of where they publicised its existence and even held tours it was hugely popular.

    Because we never think of the industry there are a lot of areas and processes which exist, yet are unknown.  They are blankes in how we think.  perhaps the best example in the movement of the body; tehy die in a nursing home and arrive at the funeral already in a coffin.  But how did this happen, how did they make it to the funeral home or into the coffin?  You probably do not know and yet it happens every day.

    There is a lot of misunderstanding about the industry.  Because many do not know much about it they believe the strangest things.  A great one is that gravediggers steal belongings from coffins, a really odd idea.  They barely have time to eat lunch let alone open a whole coffin on the chance that they would get something of value.  Or that undertakers will break a persons legs to fit them in the coffin when breaking legs involves so much work compared to bending them (you bend your legs all the time when you walk or sit, it is not hard), or getting just a bigger coffin.

    But why is it such a hidden and misunderstood industry?  If we are not against talking about it then why do we never actually talk about it?  I have heard many argue that it is a taboo topic, something inappropriate to discuss.  These people then go on to argue how this is changing over time and the industry is now more 'appropriate' to talk about.  While this may have once been true it is no longer the case these days at all.  As I said before, people are really interested in the industry and very rarely take offence to anything said.  There are two reason I believe people do not know about funerals.  The first being that they think others will be offended or find in inappropriate or upsetting.  Discussing how a body is moved and handled could upset someone whose loved one recently died.  And yet this is rarely if ever the case.  People are often more interested as they now have been involved in the process.  Plus they like to know how their loved one was treated.  The second reason is that people have little information about the industry.  How many know someone who works as an undertaker, gravedigger or another similar role?  How many have read a book or seen a movie about the funeral industry and not just one set in the industry?  There is actually rather little information or acknowledgement of the industry.

    So now you might be asking what the result of this lack of knowledge leads to.  Well, it has a direct and serious impact on the industry as a whole.  The first, and most important to many, case is with hospitals.  They hid the morgue for various reasons and this lets the place be mis-managed.  Most hospitals have decent morgues, clean enough and organised well enough.  I have noticed that those with dedicated and full-time staff are by far the best, especially compared to just having casual support staff who take care of the morgue along with many other duties.  Westmead is a good example, with dedicated staff who are responsible for everything they are also proud of everything.  The place is so neat and clean that the blue floors would be more hygienic than your kitchen stove.  With not even a paint chip or scuff mark to be seen then place is actually really nice inside.  At Westmead they also signpost the location of the mortuary, not hiding it from anyone.  However RPA there is no sign to identify it, the mortuary is located in the middle of a service corridor, scuff marks along the walls, rubbish and food processing nearby.  The support staff are always late to arrive, often making funeral staff wait an hour or more, which is then tacked onto the cost of the funeral for the family.  RPA is hated by many in the industry (myself included) and we would never want to have a loved one die in that hospital.  And it use to be worse, much worse.  The old mortuary was even more run-down and mis-managed to the point where they found a dead baby behind a fridge when renovating.  Hiding the mortuary lets problems bread and does not help anyone.

    Another issue from a lack of thought is the deregulation of the industry.  If one wants to become a funeral director all they really need is a briefcase, phone, fax and computer.  Everything else from mortuary to hearse and even staff can be leased out for the day by these "briefcase funeral directors".  The result is that they have little control or influence in the process, allowing for all kinds of misconduct and mistakes.  It was actually rather amusing but when I started in the industry it was discovered that a small catering company who had never organised a funeral got given an important state funeral in Canberra.  Obviously they were the lowest bidder andas such who knows what the funeral was like.  There are no qualifications or credentials needed to join the funeral industry, if you want to join all you should have is a drivers license, and even that is optional.  This deregulation is also having an impact in transfers.  I have heard stories from funeral directors where they have done police transfers, pulling bodies out of cars or taking them from the crime scene to the coroners.  And all they get is a regular suit and a pair of latex gloves.  Appart from the gloves there is little to no protective equipment.  It is not like the movies, or like America, where the coroners has a special and dedicated transfer crew.  Instead in Australia it is just a local funeral home who will take the body from one place to the next.  Yes, just a couple of undertakers working for minimum wage, with no training and no protective equipment are the ones who transfer bodies about.

    Overall the funeral industry is a hidden and unknown one.  But not because it is taboo so much as people do not know about it and some think it will offend people.  This lack of public knowledge lends room for misconduct and deregulation.  No qualifications or training is needed to become a funeral director or transfer bodies from crime scenes or anywhere else.  If the public would look at the industry a little closer regulations which are desperately needed could be introduced.  The public would also find the work and processes to be a lot less upsetting, taboo or grose than thought.

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Introduction

I have decided to put together a little blog of my experiences from inside the industry for anyone to read.  It should be noted that I have only worked at one funeral home and only for about one year.  Thus I am not the most experienced person in the field.  And yet I have seen and heard so many interesting and even surprising things.

Funerals and death in general is something that many people see as a taboo topic.  I have heard about how it is something not many want to talk or hear about.  This is what most people believe, and what we all see in the media.  Death is talked of as dirty and upsetting.  However this is mostly untrue.  Almost everyone I have talked with does not mind talking about death or this industry.  In fact the majority of people are quite interested in it.  The older people often say how it use to be ‘taboo’ or “kept quiet” but how society has changed and it is now “acceptable”.

While funerals and death itself is more acceptable not everything is fine to discuss in public.  And not everything is for everyone.  As such I have not included everything in this blog.  Yet i also do not hide anything and will discuss some ‘questionable’ topics nor have I skipped certain details.  So read this at your own discretion; I warn you that you may find some topics discussed here unappealing.

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