Recommended Funeral Homes

    Several people have asked me what funeral homes I would recommend and why. I find this a tough question to answer as personally I feel it is hard to find a 'bad' funeral home because the vast majority are to a respectable standard.

Guest Post - Girl Problems in the Mortuary

    A female mortician and I were talking about mortuary work and the topic of fingernails came up. How she managed to wear glove and perform mortuary duties despite having relatively long and elaborate fingernails. So she has decided to write a post about being a woman in the mortuary. Here it is:

Don't get me wrong it's not all bad, but being a female certainly does have its disadvantages. Allow me to elaborate.

LifeArt - Making Coffins

    This is an interesting video about how LifeArt make their cardboard coffins. Unfortunately it's only 240p and a low quality video. But it is definitely worth a watch, especially for those not familiar with LifeArt.

LifeArt Clean Coffin Technology

     You can read more about LifeArt coffins via their website. Essentially they're cardboard coffins, which are environmentally friendly. Personally I like them for their customisation abilities and how light and practical they are. You can get any image or design printed on them, or simply get a plain one and decorate it in person as I have seen some people do.

    LifeArt recently released an online design tool, allowing people to design coffins themselves. It's a fun tool to play with, LifeArt Online Design.

    However, a huge drawback is that they are not available directly to the public. To me this is a bit of a shame as LifeArt would make a wonderful art medium. I've seen families paint, write poems, and stick collages on the coffins. Opening this up to a wider community could be good.

    My personal belief is that LifeArt could be a great product and used in a great way, but often gets dismissed or ignored too soon. The environmental benefits, the costs, and the quality are not as important as the customisation. The very option and notion of being able to completely customise a coffin like this is great and should be given more credit. So I think it's wonderful to see LifeArt running with this through things like the online design tool. The ability to interact so directly with the coffin, and to change it so dramatically, is a very powerful thing. I've had the pleasure of seeing some amazing things mourners have done with LifeArt coffins.

~~

Guest Post: Top 10 Tips for Planning a Funeral

    Here's a guest post by Tom Reynolds, a co-owner of Memorials of Distinction with 10 tips when planning a funeral. It's an interesting read with some good points. Normally I don't look at how to organise or plan a funeral from a family/mourners/deceased perspective. But a lot of people want this and find it helpful, plus it's great to get a more diverse perspective on the blog.

Arranging a funeral can be a stressful time in a persons' life especially if it needs to be done unexpectedly. Although many people try to put off making plans for when they or a loved one passes away, there's a lot to be said to having things in place just in case. However, it's human nature to avoid thinking about it, but if you do make plans, it will make things that much easier at a difficult time when you have lost a loved one. Below are 10 tips for planning a funeral.

The Process - On the funeral

    Recently I came across an old post which I never published, simply forgot about it. It might not be completely accurate, or even up to date. This was written just over a year ago and forgotten about.

    Not long ago I wrote about how the body makes it from the site of death to the hearse for the funeral.  This is my follow up post on what happens once the coffin in loaded into the hearse.  Once again I focus on the coffin and its immediate preparations.  There is a lot of paperwork and other things going on at the same time which I do not cover.  Yet this time I talk more about the staff and how they go about the job.  This is so you can understand the feel of it better.

    Anyway, here's what happens after the coffin is loaded into the hearse.

Inside the Lady Anne Hearse

    Not long ago we looked at how to tell hearses apart and how to identify a hearse.  As such it's only appropriate that we look at the hearse in detail, explore inside the hearse.

   And it should be nice to end hearse month with another picture based post!

Guest Post - Meeting the hearse

    Here's another guest post, I thought it was a worth sharing another perspective of seeing the hearse for the first time as an undertaker.  To also see what they think are the "dos" and "don'ts" of the hearse; it's always informative to understand how others view the hearse.

Working Funerals - Why Foot First

    This is an oddly common question, and one I had not really looked into or thought much about until others asked me.  The foot first method has a strong symbolism to it, but it also has a very practical reason.

Working Funerals - Joining the industry

    This has come up a couple of times, where people ask me advice on how to get into the funeral industry.  It isn't a common question, but certainly one worth addressing.  As it also says something about the industry itself.

Working Funerals - Turning the coffin mistakes

    A while ago I wrote a post on how to turn the coffin after a service.  Just a basic guide for those who have limited experience with this.

    Since then I have been asked about mistakes that are made when turning the coffin.  What mistakes are made and how to avoid them.  Here are the four most common mistakes I have seen and how to prevent them.

The Process - From death to funeral

    This is the process of how a body gets from the place of death to the funeral.  Not many people think about this, and even fewer know about it.  Here it is, step by step in a simple guide from when the person dies to when the coffin is sent on the funeral.

Making an Order of Service

    In previous posts I have talked about the importance of the order of service.  How it is a piece of the funeral which people can take and keep.  Or those who could not make it to the funeral can have.  This apparently simple paper is such an emotional and significant thing.

    Having worked on funerals I got to see many different order of services books.  Some were good, some were amazing, others were terrible.  So I thought it was about time I explained how to make a decent order of service.

>> Due to the popularity of this post I am looking for order of service templates which will be hosted on this blog, anyone is free to submit a template or guide.  Read this post for more details <<

Attending a Funeral: The Seating

    The seating is something which does throw some mourners.  It is not a common or serious issue, but it is something which obviously makes people unnecessarily uncomfortable.  In this post I look at where mourners should sit, as well as how they should sit.  As in how to make the whole event easier and better for everyone.

Working Funerals - Lowering the coffin

    This post is a how to guid on lowering the coffin at the cemetery.  It looks simple and easy but so many people do it wrong and risk injuring their back or damaging the coffin.  While written from the point of view of an undertaker this guide can also be handy for mourners.

Working Funerals - Driving in cortege WNBull style

The car I was assigned, WNB004
or 'Kevin' as I called him.

    It's been a while since I posted, I've just been too busy and too distracted to write.  But it's about time I got back into it, and what better way than writing about my favourite part of the funeral!  Driving in cortege.

    A while ago I wrote a post about how to drive in cortege from a mourners perspective.  This is my promised follow up from an undertakers perspective

Carrying a Child Coffin

    As odd as it sounds to many I have been attending funerals in my spare time.  It is part of my ethnographic work into the funeral industry and the funeral process.  To learn through observation and participation as much as literary research (which there is little of for this industry).

    So recently I was at a child's funeral and the way they carried the coffin was quite surprising, and a little worrying.

Attending a Funeral - Driving in cortege

    I that i tend to get questions following my posts on how to attend funerals.  People appear nervous, unsure and generally hesitant.  Who can blame them, funerals are a tense thing to the inexperienced and many of us are inexperienced with them.  Thus I thought a few posts detailing the mist important or tricky parts of the funeral could help.  Starting with one of the most difficult and stressful parts for many mourners, driving in cortege.

    Driving in cortege is the act of following a hearse (or any other lead car).  You will be driving quickly and closely behind a hearse or other cars.  This makes it tricky and worrying.  Yet this was my favourite part of working funerals.  It can be quite easy and simple as long as you think ahead and apply some common sense.

    This post is for mourners, however I will write another post about hot to drive in cortege as a funeral director.  This is because driving as a mourner and as an undertaker are very different.  Comparing both posts might be interesting or helpful.  I do go over driving a funeral car in this post here.  But I want another new posts focusing on driving in cortege.

Anyway, here is how to drive in a cortege from a mourners perspective:

Attending a Funeral - Cemetery tips

    A few people have recently asked me about cemeteries.  It appears many are unsure how to act, how to behave, how to dress at a cemetery.  I would say many are unsure how to be.  I thought that a simple little guid could be useful for mourners.  Follow the things here and your trip to the cemetery for a funeral should be much easier and more pleasant.

    One big thing to remember is that the cemetery is almost exactly like the beach.  It is hot in summer and cold in winter, the ground is soft and slippery, there is limited parking, there is basically no shelter from the rain or sun.  Overall think of going to the cemetery as going to the beach in formal clothing.

- Do not worry: Unfortunately a lot of people have issues with cemeteries.  However cemeteries are not spiritual, not creepy, they're just a place.  And they're everywhere.  Sydney Town Hall Station is built on an old cemetery and when they were building Town Hall they never found all the bodies.  Cemeteries are scattered and forgotten under many cities, especially older cities.  So chances are you walk through them regularly.  Cemeteries are just spaces, and often quite beautiful spaces.  Waverley cemetery is one of the most beautiful places in Sydney with the right light.  In the end a cemetery is what you make of it.  So make it what you want it to be.

- Look up the time and location: As with almost all my funeral tips knowing where and when you should be is key.  Look up the address and directions before the day.  It is rather embarrising to get lost on the way to a funeral  Most cemeteries cannot be put into a GPS, and even then people get lost within the cemetery grounds.

- Find the grave: Do not bet on following a cortege to find the grave.  If you get lost, separated or there is no cortege contact the cemetery office.  The office details can be found by simply 'googeling' the cemetery name.  Many cemetery websites also have downloadable maps to help navigate the place.  Cemeteries are like mazes, there is something that makes most of them difficult to navigate.

- Umbrella: Bring one or two even if there is no chance for rain.  They are a great source of shade which will keep you cool and comfortable.  The funeral directors should provide umbrellas if you ask (you can even keep it if they aren't looking as you leave).  However do not rely on this and be prepared.

- Water: This one is obvious but so many people forget.  Bring a small bottle of water and sip at it just before, during and after the service.  Being in a cemetery is surprisingly dehydrating even in cool weather.  And it is always better to risk needing to go to the bathroom over risking fainting due to dehydration/heatstroke (which I have seen happen).  Australia is hot, be read for it.

- Sunscreen: Again, this should be obvious and if you do not bring and use sunscreen on sunny days it is your own loss.  Skin cancer is a big issue in Australia and sunscreen is cheap and easy, so why not?

- Chairs: Funeral homes and cemeteries should provide some chairs.  But does not always happen, and even then they will usually only provide 4 to 6 chairs.  So if chairs are needed make sure the funeral home knows before the day and how many they will need.  Or bring a few chairs yourself if you are able.

- Food: Bring snacks to have shortly before you arrive at the cemetery.  You may not think about it but this does make a difference.  A few biscuits are good, or a couple of mints.  Lollies or other high sugar and 'quick to eat' foods are not good for the cemeteries.  You want to get the sugar and food, but not too much or too quickly.

- Stay out of the way: Keep out of the way of funeral and other staff.  If they look like they need help then offer, but otherwise let them do their job.  This makes everything go quicker and smother for everyone.

- Keep up and keep together: Most cemeteries are big or confusing places with narrow and twisty roads.  It is incredibly embarrassing to get lost only a corner away from the grave.  So do not fall behind and stay behind the hearse.

- Do NOT get out until the right time: At almost every cemetery the cortege will stop by an office to get paperwork before going to the grave.  These offices usually have a car park and toilets, so quite often people will park thinking that this is where they should stop.  Next thing they know the hearse and other cars have gone leaving them lost and alone.  It happens too often, even if the funeral staff warn people.  So STAY IN YOUR CAR until you either see the grave itself (make sure it is the right one though) and/or it is obvious that the cortege has arrived.  You know this has happened when all the undertakers get out of their cars/hearse and not just one person.

- Walk: You do not have to park right next to the grave.  Sometimes you it is dangerous or inappropriate to park close by and you will just take a space of an older or less able person who cannot walk far or over rough terrain.  Other times your car will get in the way of staff or other funeral processions, so do not park on corners, do not park too close together and be ready for a short 2 minute walk.  I will say I find it is generally but not always SUVs (o four wheel drives) that park inappropriately in their attempt to get as close as possible.

- Wear appropriate shoes: The ground at cemeteries is spongy, slippery and soft, so wear shoes for this.  The most common inappropriate shoe is a stiletto.  I have seen women seriously damage their ankles because of their shoes.  And I have no sympathy for them.  To wear high stilettos to a cemetery is stupid and dangerous.  It will inconvenience everyone and just make the person with the shoes look silly.  It is better to wear sneakers or boots and look a little strange than bend an ankle in front of everyone.

- Clothing: Obviously one should wear what is appropriate according to the funeral.  Some funerals are more formal than others.  Yet either way think of the weather when choosing clothes.  A three piece suit might not be the best option in the heat of summer.  A thin dress might not be suitable in winter.  Look up the cemetery on Google Maps.  If it is near the coast or on a hill you can assume it will be windy.  If it is in a forest or gardens it will be shaded and cool.  Know where you are going and what it will be like when deciding on clothes.

- Mud, live with it: Cemeteries are dirty places, there is a lot of digging going on and as such there is a lot of lose dirt.  So when it rains there is a lot of mud.  Live with it and deal with it later.  There is no point holding people up while you scrape the mud off your shoes before you get in the car.  Simply get the bigger lumps off, get in the car and more out of the way of others.  Once the mud dries it will scrape off very easily and usually as people try to clean it off their shoes they spread it over their clothes.  If desperte use the corner of gutters or grates of drains to scrape away mud.  Tissues are also handy.

- Know how to drive: Most cemeteries, especially old ones, tend to have narrow streets.  With tight corners, slopes, and dead ends.  Driving through a cemetery may mean squeezing down a narrow street between graves and cars.  Or perhaps you will have to go around an incredibly tight corner.  Either way, knowing how to drive will help.

    Just remember, think of the cemetery as the beach.  Prepare for it in the same way except you will be wearing formal clothing.

    If there's any specific questions or concerns not addressed here feel free to contact me and I if I can I will help however possible.

~~

How to - Carrying & moving the coffin

    After seing my previous post about how to attend a funeral someone recently asked me about how to move a move a coffin.  So here is a little guide on how to move and handel the coffin.

    Foot first.  This is something which a lot of people do not notice and do not do.  But it is a key thing which should always be done.  When moving the coffin take the foot end first.  In a car the coffin should have the foot end towards the driver so again, it travels foot first even when being driven.  This has a symbolic meaning in that it represents the person walking.  As though they are still moving of their own to the next place.  However it also has a practical reason in that it prevents the body from 'purging'.  Purging is where the body basically throws up fluids.  So keep the head raised will keep the fluids down.

    Turn clockwise.  This is symbolic of the moving of life.  It directly represents the turning of the clock and the passage of time.  However always turning clockwise also means you will know what everyone is doing.  There will be no surprises if you follow a pattern.

    Wheel by the thumbscrews.  When wheeling the coffin always hold the thumbscrews and not the handels.  Holding the thumbscrews will be daunting to the inexperienced yet it gives much better grip and control.  The handels are too low for most people so it will mean bending awkwardly and possibly bad for people.  This also does not look good.  To see the paul bearers bending awkwardly as they wheel the coffin.  More importantly holding the handels give little grip which could lift the coffin off the trolley.  For better control and comfort hold the thumbscrews.  It does not just look better but is better.

    Keep in step.  Many people struggle with this, and while not essential it does help.  Keeping in step prevents treating on anyones toes and looks nice.  To keep in step just copy the person in front of you.  Move as and when they move and everything will be fine.  If you are at the front of the coffin (the foot end) copy the person leading the coffin, be they the conductor, a priest or whoever else might be in front.  If nobody is leading the coffin just walk evenly and do not worry too much.

    Keep it level.  When going up or down stairs keep the coffin level as much as possible.  By keeping the coffin level it makes sure nothing on top (such as flowers) will fall off.  It also makes it much easier and safer for everyone involved.  To keep the coffin level those at the low end will have to lift it up as much as practical. 

    Carry by one handel.  Unless you are picking up, raising, or placing down the coffin only use one handel.  Sometimes people try to use both hands to carry the coffin, but this never works and just makes it awkward.  You should only ever need to use one hand on one handel to carry a coffin safely.  Simply use your hand that is closest to the coffin.  If carrying coffins regularly swap sides to prevent strains or developing a 'preferred side'.

    Face the foot end.  The coffin should always travel foot first.  I cannot stress this enough.  Thus you should always face the foot end when carrying the coffin.  So if you are getting the coffin out of a hearse or off something face the foot end.  It is amusing to see people getting a coffin out of a hearse and they instinctively face away from the hearse.  Away from the foot end.  Instead they should face towards the hearse when pulling the coffin out.  As shown in the picture above.

    Do not stress or worry.  Carrying the coffin can be a worrying thing for a lot of people.  Yet it is not that difficult.  Nobody has dropped a coffin as far as I know.  There are stories of close calls, where a handel came off as they were carrying, yet in every case the coffin was caught.  So the chances of you dropping a coffin, or tripping, while carrying it is very, very, low.

    Keep out of the way.  Do as the funeral conductor instructs when they instruct.  It is better to do nothing than to do something wrong.  So sit tight and wait for a signal, either from the conductor or a pre-determined point in the service.  I have seen families jump up too early to carry a coffin.  They're too eager and nervous.  Then they got in the way when the funeral staff moved up to turn the coffin, which made the family feel bad.  So sit tight, stay still and be where you are suppose to be.  That way everything will be fine.

    Following this stay out of the way and move away when you are done.  Especially at the graveside when the funeral staff tell you to move away then move away.  Often the conductor will be holding the coffin, on his own, so it is heavy and awkward.  The last thing he needs is someone standing in the way asking if he has the coffin.

    This of course is not everything to do with moving a coffin.  But it is a start and should help the nervous or inexperienced.  Look to the conductor, or the hearse driver, if you are unsure about what to do.  In he end it is an easier and less stressful task than one would think.

~~

How to - Attending a funeral

    While recently attending my grandfathers funeral I realised how tricky going to a funeral can be.  Most people have relatively little experience with funerals, and even then they are not often mourners.  At my grandfathers funeral I was unsure where to go, where to stand, how to behave and so on.  Despite the fact I have been to countless funerals.  So even though I have been to funerals changing roles meant the whole thing was completely different.  Thus it must be even harder for people with no funeral experience at all.  So I made this post to help people through attending a funeral for the first time.

    Know is the location and the time.  Double check when everything is mean to start and where they will be located.  Then make sure you know how to get to the location.  This is a big source of stress or worry for people.  They get lost, get there late or have trouble finding parking.  So avoid this by looking everything up.

    Be punctual.  Do not get there too early or too late, instead aim to be there about 15 minutes before it is due to start.  This means even if you have trouble finding parking or something goes wrong that you will not be too late.

    Park smartly.  People will sometimes park inappropriately or dangerously, especially as the time to start draws closer.  It is simply because people panic and did not manage their time or look up the locations properly.  Even if you are late do not park dangerously or inconsiderately, there is no excuse to park in a disability space.  Nor is there a reason to park right on the corner in a no stopping zone and partially block traffic.  Think of others when you park.

    Go in.  Something a lot of people do is group by by the doors.  This blocks the passageways and means people will move in clumps rather than an even flow.  So upon arrival sign the condolence book, collect the order of service and go inside.

    Sign the condolence book early.  By signing the book as soon as possible you save having to line up later.  And while the undertakers will let you sign the book after the funeral they will not like it.  They are busy running about getting stuff done as when the funeral ends it is rather busy for them.  Getting the funeral staff to let you sign the book after the funeral holds up the funeral itself.

    Do not worry.  This is something people do, we worry, about what others think, about making mistakes, about too many things.  However you should not worry at a funeral.  As long as you do not do anything incredibly silly or inappropriate people will not judge you.  As an undertaker I saw many strange or silly things on funerals.  I also saw how the other mourners would either let it slide or not even notice.  As a mourner I realised that the mourners are too busy, focused on the funeral, to worry about what other people are doing.  So relax and do not worry what others think of you.

    Practically.  The most dangerous thing for a mourner is their own shoes, particularly with women.  Nothing looks worse than a women who wore stilettos and insists on carrying the coffin.  Or when they try and walk across a cemetery.  You know you are going to a funeral, if you want to carry the coffin or walk across the grass do not wear heals.  As a mourner or undertaker it is incredibly annoying to see someone with inappropriate shoes.  Wear something more practical (especially at the cemetery) and even if it does not look as good people understand.  Men also wear inappropriate shoes, but it is less common and generally not as dangerous.

    Do not touch the hearse.  The hearse is a very expensive vehicle, there is little excuse to touch it without permission.  Having said that do not be afraid of the hearse.  If you and the funeral staff have time they will probably be happy to show it to you.

    Watch the funeral staff.  They will quite often make little mistakes, watch them closely to see what you are getting.  Many mourners do not notice the mistakes, they are nothing to most people, yet it is important.  Just remember everyone has their off days, and everyone makes mistakes.  So watch but do not judge.

    Funerals are not special.  Well, this is only partially true.  But funerals are not as big a deal as many make them out to be.  Yes, they can be sad, but they can also quite easily be happy.  In the end a funeral is what you as the individual make of it.

    In the end I can describe and explain as much as possible, but this is something best learnt through experience.  This is perhaps the most important and helpful suggestion, to go and attend funerals.  The only way to become comfortable with funerals is to go to them.  So do not avoid a funeral because you are worried about it.  Instead attend and make it a a decent or happy event.

    If you have any specific questions or concerns about a funeral, or about funerals in general post here and I or someone else will be happy to help!

~~